I once confessed to a friend that one of my biggest faults was that perhaps I expected too much of people. I distinctly remember injecting the word "perhaps" into the sentence because, I wasn't completely certain that what I was saying was true. It was said more out of an acknowledgement of what several people had told me. As much faith as I have in myself, as well as I think I know myself, I tend to allow people a certain credibility, after all, we all see things with different perspectives, and for multiple different people to draw the same conclusion... well, there had to be some truth to it, right?
My friend told me that she became a happier person when she stopped having those expectations of people. She said it allowed her to be genuinely surprised and more appreciative of kindness. I smiled. I respected that. To a certain extent, it's simple and true. But, expectations can have a different context. I am an old soul. I place a high value on communication, I mean, the ability for us to communicate with such intricacy and detail sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. So, when we use this powerful tool to create an idea... a promise... an expectation... I have been taught to honor it with action. You can't just go around life saying what you're going to do out loud and not be held accountable for it, right? I don't know if it's just me, but my father taught me at a very young age that when you say you're going to do something, when you commit, you give everything you have to make sure you do what you said you were going to do. It truly is that simple to me.
So then, am I not reasonable in taking you for your word? If you tell me that you're going to do something... should I not expect you to do what you said you would? Personally, I find it disrespectful, to address me with words about what you are going to do, and then not do it. And then I realize that the day I stop listening to what you say and holding you accountable for it is the day I stop being who I am. That's the simple truth.
So when I say that I'm all in... you can take it for what it's worth. But, I can't do this alone. These are certainly unusual circumstances... but life is unusual and unexpected. The simple fact is that I haven't felt like this about anyone for as long as I can remember. It's odd, it's crazy, it's certainly unexpected and difficult to explain, but it's true. I would much rather say it out loud and be held accountable for it, because at least you will know where I stand, unequivocally. If I get my heart broken here, then sobeit. I just know I would not be able to live with myself if I didn't pursue something I felt is genuine and worthwhile. All I ask is for some sincerity... something more than just abstract for me to cling to, even if it's indifference or if it's unreciprocated. I can handle you not wanting me, not feeling me... I don't have expectations of people... except when I'm told that the feeling is mutual. So if it is, then please, show me, don't tell me.